N- roads of Contentment

It took nearly an year and a half for me to understand the reason behind those grim faces that I came across when I was a trainee. We used to wonder why these people keep a swollen face without a line of smile in their lips. Now after all these months i have some thoughts why its so. Perilous effects of competition; some are not so competitive and hence get dejected also. The lack of contentment brings in lot of mental agony. Satisfaction takes N number of roads to reach you, in the end even if N-1 doesn't reach you its fine. But none out of the N reaches you means you are in a miserable situation. So lets discuss about a couple of roads.

Passionate : You end up in a place where you can do what you are passionate about. This road is less travelled, as very few people gets contentment in this way. Those are blessed heavily by the heavens.

Happy since I am here: This road is anti-clockwise, that is here the person takes the road to happiness and bliss. This road is taken by those people who adjust with things easily and are commited to their jobs.

Beyond this there are people who gradually make themselves believe that their present situation is satisfactory, kind of swimming downstream thinking happiness awaits. Those grim faces are in this group who are not sure about what awaits them, they are not sure what they are going through. All they know is they need a change and this dilemma makes that typical swollen face.

Z,he,a log of wood and me:

Its always a nice feeling for me to hear a familiar sound or to see familiar face. When i got a call from the old vodafone number i didnt hesitate to pic, because i was sure it's not a call to tell me about a new defect in my module. He sounded calm and asked me whether i was free. He was in trouble, 3-4 kilometers from my place he is stuck somewhere and he want me to pic him up along with a log of wood. It was twenty two thirty railway time. I went to pic him up and the scene was terrible, he was in a bike and log was too big for both of us to manage. We need a 3 plus wheeler. Friends and phone contacts are used only when there is a need, otherwise very less phone calls and forwards. He tried a couple of numbers including his room mates, i was surprised nobody was ready to help us. Upon this we started to talk a bit of philosophy-"We can't blame them, they are never used to such stuff, how can a software engineer carry a log of wood."- etc etc.

Later when we checked the phone book towards the end of the list we found a name and called him. He was ready to help but he work in an owl village, can't come out before 12. So we have one hour left to gossip around many things, mainly girls, girl friends, girls getting married, girl trends, girl....One hour went like 1 minute, and we saw a big round head light, it seemed like somebody responded to our SOS message. The person who came , lets call him Z. We were expecting two head lights instead of one but Z is a capable guy, with lots of experiance in carrying big and nasty logs. Z single handedly managed the situation and soon they started the bike keeping the log between the rider and the pillion. And they successfully delivered the big log.

What surprised me is the patience of my friend and the humane nature of Z. Both of them are my friends and i am proud of them. The wood log* was hardly an aquaintance of any of us, my friend know him thats all. If you help a friend its ordinary but if you help a stranger then its extra-ordinary. When myself and Z went back to take our bike from the spot after taking the drunk guy to his home, Z even made sure he found the lost shoe of the drunk guy. A kind and helping heart is very hard to find now a days.

Note:

* I don't know who he is and i dont think i will be able to recognise him now. I sincerly apologize calling him a log of wood. But i couldnt find any other name. Sorry dude.

My God & My Prayers

I can't remember when was the last time I attended a religious retreat, atleast 6 years. The year 2010 blessed me with one. When i sit down to write this after the second day of retreat many faces came to my mind. Actually these days the urge to write something is so intense that, at the time of attending the retreat itself i started thinking of what to write. Fr.James' calm voice was not enough to make me concentrate, just like the lectures at college, mind wandered but never slept(But Fr.James was an experiance, no compulsion to praise the lord in 100decibels, no heavy speakers and orchestra, it was more or less like looking into an answer paper, helping me understand my problem, simple talk). So while thinking about what to write, the first thing that came to my mind was how I am attending this, why suddenly i became god fearing and pious than the usual sunday mass.

Answers to the question stood in a line,

ONE: since i left college the hole in my heart started growing and its almost empty now, very less friends and that joy of friendship is very low, so was planning to attend one but never thought of this yearly retreat at my very own church.

TWO: one fine day i suddenly realised that i am not a boy anymore and i stood responsible for my words and deeds.It hurt me a lot.I don't know whether it will hurt anyone of you. This part is kind of difficult to explain. I am trying to explain it just to get salvation and bliss.A few years back if somebody says "Njagal hindukkal okke chathu odughiyiitu kanda kristhyani okke avale nokkiyal mathi" was a funny film dialog, but it seems at 24 and a half most people don't take it lightly. Otherwise an accidental overhearing wouldn't have stopped me from going to a temple. It was the 20 year old guy who decided to go to temple to respect my friends' favourite god, but sadly 25 year old man couldn't go there hurting someone else's feelings. A christian MAN going to a hindu temple is not acceptable eventhough with all those lenting, the vice versa also stands. This thought is throughly disturbing in secular India. Anyway this was the second answer.

Whatever be the reasons, i attended it. And it was good and gave me some peace. Some wonderfull thoughts came up during the 3 hours, of which one in particular caught my attention, reason being many of my friends getting married and most of them anxious about married life, so when Fr.James said this it caught my attention. Once a couple came to father, the guy is working in infosys and girl in some other IT firm, they are married for almost 12 years and there are some problems in their life so that they can't adjust. The main complaint was he/she still dont know me even after 12 years. The part I liked is his answer. Father said to the couple,

You might be 40 and 38 years old, but your marriage is still young just 12 years. How can you expect a 12 year old to be mature enough and understand everything....

He didnt say whether the problem with the couple was solved. But the advice sounded too good. So this is to all my friends who are getting married - one toaster, one saree, one shirt and a couple of happy married life wishes is all we can manage during your marriages. It's your responsibility to take care of your new born's(New born i refer to is Marriage ;-))

See how unfocussed i am, started writing with god and ended up in marriages. I am writing for the urge so let it be a mess. But i can't forget to thank somebody for some words i used in here.Hope he reads and acknowledges my thanks...Signing off....

An attempt to recollect 3 happy days

I had to finish one document, change the status of a few bugs and finally have to catch 22:40 train to GOA. Thankfully Thursday evening didn’t screw me. I finished my works by 6:30 and ran to my room, it was all set to go, I finished my packing the day before itself. Now all I have to do is bath and change my outlook from a business formal to a very casual one. At last the time has come, I waited more than 60 days for this train. Arun.D, Rohit and Kashyap joined me in next few hours and we started off to South railway station. Damn!! it’s raining and cochin traffic is in slow pace, it took more than an hour to travel 10kms. Met Cijo and harish at the station, finished dinner before boarding the train.Train came at 22:50, and we were searching for B5 compartment and we heard some familiar noises from behind, purushu, arun.M came out of B5, poops was playing cards with another unexpected guy, Arun Jose, our College union chairman he was on the way to uduppi with some of his friends. Train started in 3-4 minutes and rajadhani gave a swift and comfortable journey. There was one poor guy going to baroda sitting near to our seats. Poor chap I don’t think he slept well. Till 12:30 or so we were talking, sharing the lighter moments, it was almost like college days.

Meanwhile there was one guy who has to board the very same train, he has to reach mangalore before 6 in the morning to catch rajadhani. At 1am he was waiting at Kannur railway station to catch a local train which in no case will reach mangalore before 6. A few phone calls, dhoda hindi and a couple of hundred rupee notes worked well. We set an alarm and woke up at 4 to welcome darsan. From kannur till mangalore dars travelled without a ticket. I was not sure when I thought about the very idea of GoGoa that it will work out. But Friday morning I realized it’s not a dream, we reached MAO, that’s what IRCTC calls MADGAON. Two prepaid taxis took us to calangute. Five out of Seven people who were supposed to find accommodation by the time we reach calangute where stuck in a bus somewhere between Bangalore and goa. And the other two were tired searching for a decent as well as cheap accommodation.

OOPPHH!!!...as soon as we reached calangute and got out of taxi, 6 people went straight to a wine shop. I couldn’t join them without finding a place to keep my bag. So A.M, C, D & myself started walking in search of accommodation and we reached calangute beach. OMG its beautiful with plenty of ladies with and without bikinis. Just like Mr.Mike(a guy from Washington whom we met on our second day at goa) said “At times I feel like home at goa ”, we also felt we are in U.S , where nobody will staring at a girl except people like us. We continued our walk and reached the other end of the beach where we met the other 7- hari, shefy, PC, kullan, george, Kunukks, and siva . It was around 2 pm and I had a feeling we are not going to find a place so that all of us can stay together, but thankfully we found a place.

All of us where terribly hungry by the time we offloaded our luggage. I ran to a wine shop grabbed a pint beer for rs35/- and sat at beach side restaurant, ordered a prawn’s biriyani. When it came I realized two things; 1- food is very tasty at goa 2-costly as well. We spend the whole evening drinking and playing kabaddi at beach. Sadly kullan lost his mobile in the sand. Cheers to kullan he was not at all sad or moody. Hari was terribly disappointed when he lost to our team-lg,ga,kullan,d,c,siv. With our special skill we won the beach kabaddi series 3-0. That evening captain shm,gh,jp,vp & sd challenged us for a kabaddi match at baga beach, thankfully it didn’t happen. I forgot to mention about the referee, rsv - poor chap; I kicked his butt a hundred times atleast.

While all these masti was happening two people(pc,kpm) were sitting in a couch in the beach guarding our watches, chappals, underwears etc. They were not even slightly bothered about what we were playing, only thing they were concerned was the increase in the count of beer bottles beneath their couches. A mishap occurred, hg got his finger twisted and swollen, so we stopped playing and few of us left the beach and went room. We ordered for some food and waited. Somebody told me pc,shm & hg went to meet a doctor, so we finished our dinner and started roaming here and there, somebody told us there is good disco nearby. We set off searching for that and walked almost 3-4 kms, when 2 of us were about to enter the disc , I heard some fucks and sucks in my mother tongue and turned around to see a bunch of guys angry about the condition of the disco and warned us not to enter. They helped us save at least a 5000 Indian bugs!!!! I whole heartedly thank those strangers in this occasion on behalf of the entire group, as its bit painful to give away our own hard earned money opposite to parent’s money, which we used to spent without second thoughts during college days.

Tired of that long walk we entered a wine shop, tested a new combination Bacardi lemon plus Bacardi breezer. Some other tests were goan feni and sprite, tequila shot etc…As soon as we were planning to venture out from that wine shop, I got a call , it echoed some panic-“HG missing”. Oh shit he is the one man who is still young and crazy and we are jealous of him ofcourse, but trust me that’s all part of his acting. He is missing means it’s a serious issue, 16 people started searching here and there, when we found hg with jp and sd, it was a scene, his eyes where swollen crying. He was murmuring something like its all done, I miss college, miss you guys etc…I can’t recollect all of those but I bet some others can. From there a procession of around 12-15, (I don’t know the exact count) went to beach again. By the time we reached the beach few of us turned to perfect snakes. By 1am we left the beach in pairs so that we can complement each other while crawling.

Saturday morning I saw a swollen face, when I looked in the mirror. It was because most of us woke up at 10. My face and few other faces were swollen not because of over booze but due jealousy. Some of us woke late than others and we are waiting for them. It reminded me of college; wherever we go we will go together only. It seems last few years had made some changes, most of us are impatient now (impatient: - can’t wait anymore to join for a master’s degree or a new job with better pay or to find our better half ;-) ), at least I am.

To be frank we learned the exact meaning of the word “planning” during our GoGOA. Every morning we will ask each other where we are going today. Hopefully next GoX(where X will be mostly DELHI) won’t witness any such flaws, tour coordinators please note. I am done here, writing is a tedious job.

Thirakadha-"The Script"

I can't resist myself from writing this in here,because after a very long time a malayalam movie impressed me this much.I can say with confidance that this movie is a joint effort by the entire crew,the director,actors,actresses,music director,and i must stress on costume and make up,it was awesome.Mr.Renjith our director did a splendid job,and every actors and actress finished the roles with good professionalism.

The story is all about the film world,the ups and downs in profession,about professiona ethics,love,passion towards acting,selfishness,death,repentance.The movie starts with an award function in which the new director akhi,is presented with an award for best director for his very

first film.The award was given away by superstar ajay.This Akhi is a man of principles, he is sure about his career that he will direct only if he feels like his script is strong,or else he will rather stick on to his hotel.There are certain things you will see in the hotel also firstly name of the hotel "Kasablanga",which is named after the famous american romantic drama "CASABLANCA" ,secondly the workers of the hotel-Akhi's film crew is the same in hotel as well.

When Akhi thinks of his second film he took superstar Ajay as center of his story,and thus automatically Malavika also comes to his frame.She was an actress who quit industry on some reasons still unknown,and was Ex-wife of Ajay.So the movie progresses with Akhi and his crew's search about Ajay and Malu's life.Mr.Renjith is also in the film playing the role of director and a friend of Ajay.Anyway Akhi's search takes him to Malavika,where he finds her in a very pathetic situation.And towards the end of the film Mr.Renjith portraits a dying person and i think he was successfull in creating a few tears in the audience.

Malavika needs a special hats off,she did justice to her role very well,and ajay also acted well,Akhi also portraited the emotions of a man very well.The way he kisses malavika is very touching.His love,care and affection to Malivika was not like a biographer's but somethin beyond that.In the end Akhi decides that he is not going to take that film of her.There are a certain portions of the movie which i am purposefully neglecting or else it wont be interesting for you to watch the movie.

Altogether i suggest the movie is worth watching i will give a 4 out of five for the movie.

The Kite Runner

I have never heard of the book until i bumped into this one,I started reading this one thinking its from this book the film "Children from heaven " is made.As always its from films that i start reading,but this one betrayed me in a nice way ,the film is "The kite runner" itself which i will watch soon.

"Kite Runner"-outrun my expectations.The words written on the cover page is apt, of all the books i have read till day,this one touched me most.The author brought a realistic touch  into the story.His narrations about his childhood at afghanistan is superb.I have never heard of a peacfull afghan before.More than that the book is picturing Courage & Cowardice,And the guilty conscience of a child till he is reached his late 40s' and he using a chance to get redemption.

The boy Amir is the centre of the book,his father whom he calls Baba,fathers' friend Rahim khan,Hasan,Ali are also key players of the story.It asks a few questions to a reader.Baba is the role model of  little Amir,throughout life.He taught him stealing is the biggest sin of all,If you kill someone you are stealing someones' right to live,if you elope with someones' wife ,you are stealing his wife,stealing the child mom..etc etc

But in the course of his life Amir finds that his father stole some thing from him"his right to know".

Through out the story whatever happened was just opposite to my expectations,and yet it remained real.As a whole its a nice read.And full of suspenses as well.

Right or Wrong

How it feels ? ? ?

I dont know how much effectively i can express this,still am giving a try.This is all about love & hearts,2 of it.When i heard this story i felt like its touching , or rather i can't judge which is right and which is wrong.The person i am refering here is an old friend of mine whom i met very recently,after a long time say a 4 years.It was by chance i met him,at a marriage party.He is a cool guy,with a charm,But he never had a girl friend.He used to say "dude love must happen,and it aint near me yet ".I asked him about his college life and all ,after a few minutes talk i felt like he is bit sad.I asked why?So the story or my question starts from here.

He is an engineer now,working in a good company.During his engg life to be exact towards the end of second year he felt an attraction towards a girl.Initially he didnt care , but as time passed he felt like its very serious.One day he proposed to her all of a sudden . He laughed when he said this to me but i sensed a pain in his eyes.Sorry for my interpretations in between but i cant help it .Story continues,she never expected a move like that from a guy  like him,so it was a shock.But the relationship grew to level that both of them became good friends in fact thick friends.But it was all momentry because college days end soon.In between some thing happened like they slipped into an untold relationship,in which both know they love eachother.

But the fact is true that man proposes and god disposes.Both knew very well that nothing positive is going to happen.One day something happened which ruined their complete hope.They love each other but they  restricting themselves due to their love to family, love to the counter part whatever. . . . blah blah...he said a lot more which i didnt listen,i am angry at both of them,why they choose the pain???god knows,i dont believe that anyone else could understand

Now my question-What they did is right  OR not ???? Whatever be the reasons Y shouldnt they stand for their love,since they love each other so much. . .